I'm sorry this is so long but I have to get this question out there as soon as possible and please help if you can. My name is Shannon and I live near Dallas, Texas. My boyfriend has a 13 year old son and I have a 9 year old daughter, both children live with us and we moved in together about 9 months ago. The entire time we've all lived together, while sorting laundry, I've noticed the boy's underwear caked or saturated with feces biweekly, sometimes weekly, and often times the back portion of the toilet seat would have feces caked on the rim. I understand that accidents happen but his lack of regard for the one that cleans these areas (me) made me so angry that I talked to his father about it so that he could correct the issue afraid that I may humiliate him if I should confront him myself. He talked to his boy about cleaning a mess if he makes it but the behavior continues, it's been going on for months now and it's no big deal to them (my boyfriend says that it's always happened, calls the feces 'skid marks' when its clearly more) but I feel that this is a serious issue and it's to the point that it's jeopardizing my relationship with my boyfriend and I'm considering leaving him because of this. When I tell him about it, he makes excuses like: "I think it's a combination of being a little chubby and having those little T-rex arms makes it hard to wipe correctly." or "Well, I've been dealing with it for years." Why doesn't he see that 13 is too old to be doing this and making excuses isn't doing him a justice? Time and time again, I would place my hand into the laundry hamper and get soiled, the smell is terrible. It's an overpowering heavy, rotten, and sour. My daughter uses the same toilet and told me last night that it's often filthy and that she loves my boyfriend but doesn't want to live here anymore! She brushes her teeth in the morning but waits to walk to school to use the toilet! I just found this out last night and I'm devastated! How long has this been impacting her too? My boyfriend continued to tell me each time that he's talked to his boy about it, again, and again, and again, and again, each time I'd leave the underwear for him to see and tell him to please talk to his boy yet again .... Yesterday, this issue came to a head.

My daughter had a play date come to the house (along with my daughter's friend, I asked the mother to bring the 13 year old sister so my boyfriend's son would have girl interaction, he's not very social, in middle school, no friends, but he's handsome and funny and just needs an icebreaker ... they really hit it off and he'll have a friend at school tomorrow, hopefully) this is the first time we've had company since we've lived together and the friend's mother asked to use the restroom. I had the children clean it before company came but I forgot to check afterwards! I went into the restroom shortly after her, looked over, and noticed the feces caked on the seat! I was so embarrassed that I wanted to cry, I knew she saw it. She must have. What she must have thought about the way we live. I went to his bedroom and handed him a roll of paper towels and a bottle of Windex and quietly reminded him to clean the toilet. The girl was in the living room with her brother and my daughter and he immediately cleaned it right up ..... I checked. A bit after company left, I ordered pizza for the kids, pizza came and my daughter was at the table eating, I was in the living room with my boyfriend watching television and was soon overwhelmed with the stench of his son in the bathroom. He was in there for about 20 minutes and the smell in entire house was so terrible that I was gagging. I went to the kitchen and lit some candles, walked to the dining area and my daughter is sitting at the table unable to eat. She had a sad look on her face and asked to be excused because she felt sick. I let her go and placed the candles around the house. A few hours later, I started laundry and just about doubled over because of the stench of the caked underwear draped over the side of the laundry hamper. At least this time I didn't put my hand in it right? I didn't consider that rectification, I was disgusted and insulted. I showed the underwear to my boyfriend and he talked to his son. I asked him what he was going to do about it after he returned from talking to him because all I heard was giggling through the door as I was tucking my daughter in for the night. It did not sound serious. He said that his son says that he's embarrassed about it and doesn't know why he does it. I told my boyfriend that I've exhausted myself buying him the Abercrombie clothes for him, the nice underwear, the cool skater shoes, the popular haircuts, all so that he fits in at school but to no avail if he smells like poop all of the time! He smells like poop, and I told my boyfriend this last night and he looked at me like he didn't believe me. He thinks I'm being dramatic about this. I think he should start taking away video games and punish him and if he does it again, spank him!  But he replies, "That's the kind of thing that messes kids up! That could cause serious psychological problems!" I wonder if he's right, he probably is. Wait ...... is he right? Does he already have insight into a possible disorder and to embarrassed to disclose what he already knows to me?  Honestly, I want to beat his son's ass for the disrespect alone.  Why can't he just wash it out and keep his little secret?  I bought him the wet wipes for the bathroom, took him to the store and him pick them up so that he'd be aware that they existed and see if there was a reaction on his face. "Hey buddy, grab some of those for me, would you?" He handed them to me. "Okay, we're going to put these in your bathroom (holding up one container), and these in ours (holding up another)." I put them on top of the toilet and he uses them because I've been replacing them but evidently, they're not working the way I wanted them to. I buy the whole wheat fiber-full noodles, pack apples in the kids' lunches, cook them breakfasts, I know he's eating well, he's a little overweight but not so much to actually call it overweight, more of that chubby before high school overweight.  This issue has come to the point that his smell makes me feel physically ill and if I mention the issue to my boyfriend, it's viewed as a confrontation instead of a discussion. I don't mean to be negative but it happens so frequently and I can't ignore it! I think you get it. I'm probably rambling at this point. Anyway, it's 2:45 in the morning and I'm Googling and reading and this 'Encopresis' sounds like it may be the culprit. I don't even know how to pronounce it but the information reads familiar to what I know. I haven't shown my boyfriend the information I've found because I'm afraid that another mention of this poop problem may be the straw that breaks the camel's back. I'm tired of trying to help and meeting resistance. Is this a condition that goes away on its own? What should I do? Is this common?