Charlotte—You have a problem that requires action by all of you to work toward a solution.  At 13 y/o he has the capacity for some insight and hopefully cooperation.  He has no real control over this problem and needs a healthy dose of HOPE and tough love.  Mere talking or lecturing will not change him.  I presume that organic causes by now have been ruled out and that the standard pediatric approaches have not worked to give him time “to grow out of it.”   You need a plan on how to approach him with his father and then carry through with his cooperation and your supervision.  I will send you my medical journal article on the Soiling Solutions protocol as an attachment in an email which you should read and let him read.  If you are at all encouraged by that article then order the Clean Kid Manual which details the treatment plan from www.soilingsolutions.com.  Frankly, it is your only hope because this problem is very likely to continue for some time and ruin your marriage.  Joining a parents’ forum comes with the purchase which will really reinforce you.  The protocol, if faithfully followed, will require his “buy in.”  It will stop the soiling fairly early on within one-two weeks which will be a real breakthrough for you, but continued supervision is going to be required.  He will not be flushing that toilet without your seeing and confirming his BMs first for up to a year, especially if there is backsliding, which often occurs.  My program is not easy and at his age he will have to self-apply suppositories and enemas in a carefully programmed and timed sequence that will guarantee daily BMs.  He may need dad’s help in the beginning to calm him and follow through.  Sorry, you three will all have to make a considerable commitment to this.  Your action and determination here could really increase your credibility and his appreciation for you, if you can get through all the static that is almost sure to result.  Be prepared to be an evil stepmother!  Maybe he has been waiting for some definitive action to end this problem.